Days of the Week as Friends

I have a unique relationship with each day of the week. When I wake up in the morning, I ask myself what day it is, and unless there’s a huge event coming up, I begin a dialogue with the identity of my day.

We’ve all seen these; Sunday Funday, Monday Blues, Throwback Thursdays, etc. But there are times I ask myself…if the days of the week were people, what would they be like?

Monday

I picture Monday as a studious, serious person. She’s always got an umbrella (which she remembered to pack because she feels recharged from the weekend). Monday is responsible and doesn’t go out after 9 pm, is highly organized, and is judgmental of other days because they just can’t get their shit together. Straight-laced, with hair always styled immaculately, she clutches her pearls when she hears something blasphemous from her friend Friday. Monday is a homebody who busts out her fun board-game side when it’s raining outside. She feels no pressure to be somewhere because being within fulfills her. Monday doesn’t experience FOMO. 

Weather report: gloomy but mild temperature for running.

Tuesday

Tuesday likes to push limits. He’s the guy who asks the slightly daring question but doesn’t quite go as far for fear of being disliked. He feels he has a lot to lose because if he has that third drink, he’ll be compared to his friend Friday, who’s always at the after-parties and puts all the days to shame. Tuesday is always peeking at other days to see what they’re doing but stays in his lane. He sports a faux-hawk because a mohawk is too much of a bold move; maybe he’ll go all out one day when he develops a bit of courage. Tuesday will go to the movies on, well, Tuesday because it’s a safe activity. The movie ends early, tickets are cheaper than other days, and he feels naughty because he went out, but not so wild because he got home before 11 pm. Tuesday is the friend that won’t rat on you, but will always wink at you with a glint in his eye.

Weather Report: mostly cloudy with sunny breaks.

Wednesday

Wednesday is the flake. They can never decide what they want to do. They’re the person who is taking forty-five minutes to order at the restaurant and end up getting the same thing they always get: the fucking quesadillas, even though they know it’ll upset their stomach because they’re lactose-intolerant. Wednesday will build hype over an event, get excited, make plans with you, and when you confirm, will bail because something (seemingly) cooler came along, which will infuriate you. Wednesday has lots of friends, but very few close friends, since they’re always in limbo, fluttering from one friend to another. Secretly, Wednesday knows that they possess both the serious, yet socially awkward sides of Monday and Tuesday, and in the right environment, will dabble in the debaucheries of Thursday and Friday, and even with the right kind of Saturday. 

Weather report: humid. Hot during the day. Cooler at night. 

Thursday

Thursday is the hot girl you’ve been wanting to ask out and take on a fun date. She’s gorgeous, light, airy, flirtatious, and intelligent but is still grounded in her week, always leaving you wanting more because you’re so close to the weekend, but not quite there yet. Thursday is mysterious yet open and gives you a glimpse into her friends Friday and Saturday. She’s careful not to go too crazy though because she might elude them. Thursday is the bliss point of food–that one cookie that had a bit too much salt or sweet. You know you’re into her, but you need just a bit more information. Thursday is a reminder not to quite fully commit i.e. count your eggs before she hatches. 

Weather report: clear spring day, with a slight chance of thunderstorms in the afternoon.

Friday

Friday is the friend who will party with you even if he’s tired. He doesn’t care because he’s put so much work into his lawyer job and deserves to play hard. Friday snorts cocaine with you in the bathroom at the club, picks up ecstasy from their dealer friend who’s on their speed dial, and will see the sunrise with you, stick you in your rideshare and go to another party that starts at 7 am. 

Don’t get on Friday’s bad side, because if you mistreat or don’t meet his expectations, he’ll stay home and sulk with the premise of an excuse that he’s tired. Friday is a loyal friend that guarantees fun, simply by residing in his day. He’s a fan of a walking meeting (‘let’s be productive and get our juices flowing!). Because of Friday’s work hard-play hard nature, he’ll be the guy puking his guts out at the club, but still manage to look like James Bond the next day with his dapper suit and fresh, debonaire looks. 

Weather report: raining and sunny at the same time, with hailstones. 

Saturday

Saturday is the stand-up guy. He has a steady career which he’s efficient at managing since he has so much energy. He gets enough sleep the night before (he sometimes screens Friday’s calls. He loves Friday, but he knows that if he hangs out with him, he won’t make his cross-fit class the next morning). Saturday is fulfilled in his passions and hobbies, which he has time to attend to.

Saturday knows how to have fun because his time management skills allow him to have a blast come evening time. He knows he doesn’t have to be at work the next day (or if he did, he prepared for it), and will take his partner to a wonderful dinner, the theatre, have a cocktail at a lounge and then head into an exclusive after-party that his artsy friends invited him to. Everyone loves Saturday: Monday thinks he’s a catch, Tuesday wishes he was him, Wednesday would clear their schedule for him, and Thursday would want to see him again after that hot date. Friday knows Saturday is well-connected and can get him into any party worth going to. 

Weather report: bright sunny day, clear night.

Sunday

Sunday is a fascinating, moody enigma. In their good mood, they’re the person that will pull on your covers and ask to go on an adventure. They have a full day of chores they will gladly do: clean the house, go to the market, set a meal schedule for the week, and do laundry. Sunday loves watching television shows to unwind and enjoys hanging out with their dog on the couch. 

On a bad day, Sunday is hungover because they had too much of the margarita even after Saturday told them that they’d already had enough. They’ll hide under the covers, sulk, and then beat themselves up for having lost a day to needing to recover. Sunday will take the pills to feel better; melatonin, Tylenol, a whole cocktail. They always wonder if it’s ok to mix it with their ‘cocktail’ where they added a splash of rum. Monday catches them with their side-eye.

Weather report: freezing cold but sunny day.

We’ve all had these types of friends, but I admit I often see these people in myself depending on what day it is. After all, time (of the week) changes us right?